please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
