Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
