white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
