I wish I could teleport
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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