he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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