Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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