that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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