Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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