Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
