I hate all girls vehemently.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
