I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
