now i know why i became what i already was.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
