Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
