Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
