i don't like sucking hair
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
