Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
