shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
