what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
