I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
