I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
