My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
