You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
