finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
