Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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