Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
