those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
