Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
