Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
