Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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