I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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