Apparently you make a good broom.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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