careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
