so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
