Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
