somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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