well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
