Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
