u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
