and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
