We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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