Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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