It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
