it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
