yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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