He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
