Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
