when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
