There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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