then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
