Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
